some food for thought.

so i was thinking about things that you should do with whoever your with before you get married. the whole thing that got me thinking this was me and a friend went "grocery shopping" for senior week.

we went to several stores so we could get an estimate on costs for food and all that good stuff that we would need to bring to the beach house. throughout the trip, i found myself asking things like "do you use dryer sheets?" and "do you care about the brand of ranch?" it was interesting to see that a guy really does care about the simple things like that when it comes down to it.

afterwards, we went to my house, ate dinner, baked a very Delicious cake, updated the senior week prices and then i took him home. it was actually fun, but kinda odd. it was weird how i could feel like an old married couple with someone I'm not dating or even "talking" to. but i had fun and it was a good night overall.

somethings that i think you should do/talk about with your significant other before marriage:

10-go shopping for house things. not the casual "oh we ran out of milk lets go get some" but the real deal. what kind of toothpaste do you use? white or wheat? coconut or cucumber Mellon hand soap?

9-go on vacation together. this is important. when do you take a shower, night or morning? do you leave the cap off the toothpaste?

8-discuss kids. even though you may not be ready right now or anytime soon, discuss how you will punish and reward you kid. money for good grades/chores? spanking or time- out?

7- talk about your finances. are you in debt? how can we recover it or prevent it?

6- figure out his friend, her friends, and joint friends. will it be weird if we hang out with one of my friends? how will we make our friends feel welcome even if some are closer to me and some are closer to you?

5- travel with friends. you need to know how they will act with you and your friends while being together for an extended amount of time. will they show off in an arrogant way? will they exile themselves from the group from pure discomfort?

4- figure out what your going to do on a rainy day. will we play board games? will we watch movies? will we just sit around and stare at each other?

3- how do you feel about religion. will we go to church? are we the same religion? would you be willing to convert?

2-establish a career. is this where i can see myself working at at least 10 years from now? do i have a reliable degree? do we both have good job security?

1-the last thing....move in together. this will give you a sense of what to expect. guys will see their lady without make up, messed up hair, and morning breath. you have been warned. what side of the bed do you prefer? what kind of decor do you want? carpet or hardwood?  

just something to think about.

A low point.

well yesterday was a very difficult day. i went to school knowing that i wasn't going to graduate. it killed me. i went to the guidance office for about an hour. we talked about my options and i cried. i cried more than i had probably ever cried. people look up to me and i felt like i was letting them down. this was all over honors trig./alg. 3/pre calc. math is a subject i have always struggled in ever since i was young. i can do  AP physics because it relates to real things but when it comes to imaginary numbers, i just don't understand.

i cried in almost every period yesterday. i was disappointed even after i knew what my options were. i decided to sign up for this thing called study island that will recover my 1st and 2nd quarter grades so i can graduate. i felt stupid and like i was too good for it.

i have everything someone could want. i got accepted into an amazing college with a 52000 dollar scholarship, i have a good family, awesome friends, iv been texting this really cool guy that's my navy ball date, i have a house, clothes and a car. but the one thing i don't have confidence in math. i never have, and now that has caught up to me.

i started study island today. i looked around and i felt dumb. but not as dumb as i would feel to not walk across the stage in June. but today was a new day. i was better mentally and i could handle it but let me just tell you how I'm ready for June. I'm scared and vulnerable, but only 18 weeks to go.

irrelevant.

so a lot has been on my mind lately.

i have filled out and sent 3 college applications. widener is completely done. vmi is waiting on some papers i have to send in separate and Norwich probably thinks I'm trying to work the system because i accidentally sent my application without money. so needless to say... the moment iv waited for, for years has now become reality and i feel like iv messed up. I'm an outstanding student, cadet, and young adult both inside school and outside of school, but i still have a feeling i wont get accepted to any colleges. i look in the halls and see all of these people that have gotten into so many colleges and me? well as for me, I'm still waiting. unsure, unsettled, and feeling quite unwelcome to adulthood.

on another note, my friends and i have been planning our senior week and it is so much planning. its confusing but we are all excited.  were looking at staying in a condo that's about 2 blocks from the rides in OC. the place looks amazing! i have some mixed feelings about senior week though. all of my friends are going our separate ways. ill be going to college then into the military, two of my friends leave in July for USMC, some of my friends are going to an in state school and some are going in states that are far away. this is our last chance to spend some good quality time together and that makes me a little sad. actually, it makes me really sad. coming to seaford from laurel i had the mind set that i would just go to school for 4 years then leave with no close relationships with anyone but I'm really close with a lot of people and the thought of not seeing them for years scares and disappoints me. i know that if we all try to make time for each other it will work but a lot of us are looking/going/planning on a military life so its not realistic to just "take a weekend off". anyway, ill go and enjoy myself with my friends and as one wise person said, "don't cry because its over, smile because it happened."