There we were, sitting on the shakey bus on our way to some museum where our elders probably have dates and the young make fun of the silly wording on the plaques. He was sitting there with his ipod in his hands and his left ear bud in singing along to a song on the play list I created. I on the other hand sat there in deep thought. I probably looked like a mix of sad, mad, and content. As the year comes to an end I have such mixed emotions with everything. I feel emotional about the changes. With rotc I only have about 8 days untill I give up my position as commander. I remember joining the program and all of the excitement that I had when I first put that uniform on and when I earned my first ribbon. Now I'm ready to be done. Each day closer to the end my desire to be done grows. Everyone says "now come on kara your not REALLY ready to be done" but I am. Its my time to move on. Iv made this program my life for 4 years. They have dictated what I wear and how I act. Rotc has made me see things from perspectives that I normally wouldnt--this is good and bad. Iv met the some amazing people all of the way from a rotc seaman recruit all of the way up to real navy captains. Iv met the love of my life in rotc. Iv met some awesome leaders and some not so awesome leaders. Iv gained the sense of teamwork, discipline,respect and much much more. In a few hours I will be performing exhibition. I only have about 3 more performances of this routine that I have breathed and know like the back of my hand. It saddens me to move on but on the other hand I'm sick of the drama. I know drama occurs anywhere but I'm ready to start a new chapter and be in a different group. I used to want to be in the millitary. Now? Not so much. The more I stay in the program the more it makes me realize that I am not meant to be full time personal. I want a normal life with a normal husband. A couple of kids a fish and maybe a dog. Maybe. I don't want to leave my family to be in another country. I HAD starspangled eyes and thought I was born to do this. But the red white and blue has faded a little. I know everything will workout in the end and ill figure out someway to get everything together- I always do. Its just going to take me a little more time to work out the kinks. I'm just doing what I know best and to me, that's not what I want to do anymore.
